So, I do have to admit - of all the breakups that I’ve had, I have to say this most recent one was far more irritating than anything. I’m a non-confrontational kind of person, I really don’t like confrontation if I can help it. I prefer to talk it out and what not (just ignore the feels running down my face on occasion, they just escape, I swear).
Now! The reason it was irritating was because there wasn’t any discussion about it, there wasn’t any communication. As far as we knew everything was fine and dandy and then bam one day no more answering messages of any form. It was confusing and frustrating to say the least (
granted, at first I was like - OH MY GOD SHE’S DEAD! WHAT IF SHE DIED?!)
Anyways - the reason I’m posting about this is because I’m curious about your guys’ breakups and what not. What experiences have you had? Advice? Awesomeness? Cos like… I want to do a general post about how to break up in the poly community. Just because the ones I’ve read are interesting.
Oh and in case I was at all confusing or lack of information - my fiancee and I didn’t breakup. Our girlfriend broke up with us.
So I went to the Poly Potluck last Sunday for the first time without my wife and instead went with a friend of mine. He’s interested in polyamory and other things such as BDSM but is unsure about how to venture into it (figured the best way was with his fellow brony-in-crime-who-is-already-into-alt.-lifestyles).
Anyways, it was… different to say the least, I chilled in one of the newbie groups with him (as promised) and we met an interesting poly family during nom-times. Hopefully he’ll start coming with my wife and I to more of these potlucks and maybe some events because he seemed really interested in polyamory (and BDSM when he saw the rack and the nifty little cage/table… thing of awesomness).
has-a-lot-to-offer-anatomically asked you:
Do you have any tips on how to come out to your parents? I have a boyfriend and girlfriend in Australia while I’m here in the states. We’ve been together for a few months now and while I hate keeping them a secret, wanting to shout it out from the rooftops, I don’t want to go too far and have my parents bar any further communication with them. It doesn’t help with the distance that it’s exclusively online on my end. Is there any way you can help?
So, I’m potentially not the best person in the world to ask this question considering I’m not sure if I’ve come out to my parents or not. I think I may have accidentally come out to my parents or my mother is able to figure out my huge bomb hints.
My approach to coming out in general has always been dropping feeler questions out there. See what your parents think about polyamory in general. I dropped a feeler out there by bringing up the new show about polyamory on Showtime so I could see what their general reactions were. You could potentially comment about how one of your friends in in a polyamorous relationship even. There’s a multitude of different questions you could try with over the course of a few weeks.
If the questions you put out there are taken negatively then I wouldn’t come out yet; if the questions you put out there are taken positively, then I’d come out. It honestly comes down to how they react to your probing. There’s also nothing wrong with waiting, I waited to come out to my parents about my sexuality until I only had about two semesters left in college.
So I’ve been working on some posts, they’re hiding in my “maybe I should have my wife look at these and make sure they’re grammatically correct - ah never mind, just gonna post it in all of its horrid glory” folder. Anyways - some musings are going to be posted over the next few weeks, and many of them will probably involve my personal experiences simply because I’m me and not someone else and therefore cannot talk about the experience of another from a first hand… thingy.
What is communication? Other than it being a two-way street of scariness, it’s a key factor to having a healthy relationship.
How do you do it? Well… personally I have no clue considering I’m flying by the seat of my pants here while being madly in love with my wife and girlfriend. Goin’ with the flow, ya know? Even when the flow involves my straitjacket and a collar. Wait, wait! That’s off topic! Red. Alert. Red. Alert.
Betsy is a 54-year-old school teacher whose two grown daughters were scandalized by their mother’s polyamorous lifestyle. They said they were embarrassed to bring their grandchildren to her home because she lived openly with her two partners, a man and a woman. She explained to them in a letter:
‘I am a veteran of more than forty years of activism in the women’s movement. In the 1960s, we fought for women’s right to access to birth control, so we could take control our own sexuality for the first time in history and decide when and if to get pregnant. In the 1970s, I worked for women’s right to choose abortion, to control our own bodies and decide whether to bear a child or not. In the 1980s, I worked at a rape crisis center to fight for women’s right to be free from violence and say no to rape and unwanted sexual harassment, to demand the right to control who we have sex with.
Since the 1990s I have been in a polyamorous relationship because I own my own sexuality and I can choose who to have sex with and who to be in a relationship with, and what the rules of my relationship will be. This is at the core of feminism: the right to control our bodies and our sexuality. No man can own me or control my body. My sexuality belongs to me and I have the power to decide how to express it and with whom.’
— Excerpt from Love in Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola,
So, a few days ago I had lunch with my parents - mind you this was only a few days after I had told them I was engaged (my wife and I are married in everything but the ceremony and a piece of paper… oh and that pesky… law thing).
Somehow the topic of polyamory got brought up and I’m very, very certain that they’re not ready for that particular fact of my life. It’s not so much that I’m ashamed, I’m very proud that I’m poly - it’s more so that they’re still adjusting to the “gay thing.”
reyreypelcastre asked you:
What does “find a unicorn” mean?
A unicorn is a mythical being that radiates rainbows and shits glitter. They run around in packs and to capture one is incredibly difficult but also an honor that involves a title. It requires talent, awesome-smex-appeal and a superhero costume of your choosing.
I jest… I jest. But no, really - I can’t talk about the term without throwing in some humor. Anyways, the term “unicorn” or the phrases such as “unicorn hunting,” “searching for a unicorn” basically boil down to the search for someone who doesn’t exist or is inredibly hard to find. It’s also kind of the biggest inside joke of the poly community at large.
I don’t get how you can be asexual and in a polyamorous relationship. It just doesn’t seem like it works.
It works because there’s different types and levels of attractions. The attraction I feel for my girlfriend is romantic (and sensual), the attraction I feel towards my wife… well there’s a lot of different types - but I’ll go into that on a different post.
The most common types that I’ve seen people refer to are: aesthetic, romantic, sensual, and sexual.
There’s more, of course, but these are the types of attraction that I’m well studied up on and am comfortable discussing. These are also the ones that apply to this post.
Aesthetic attraction is basically when you see someone who’s visually pleasing to you -you don’t have the desire to be romantically or sexually involved with them. You just find them visually pleasing to look at.
Romantic attraction is easier to feel than to explain; you can tell when you want someone to be your friend or you want someone to be your partner. When you want someone to be your partner, when you want to commit yourself to them - that is romantic attraction. It’s usually also accompanied with the thought that this person is just so beautiful… because to you, they are. It’s not an easy attraction to explain.
There’s sensual attraction which pretty much involves touchy-feely feelings. Hand holding… hugging, kissing sometimes (but not always - boundaries people… boundaries).
Sexual attraction is where you have a desire to have sexual intimacy with someone.
I have a romantic and sensual attraction with my girlfriend… it’s actually also aesthetic considering I find her incredibly beautiful. I have a/n aesthetic, romantic, sensual and sexual attraction when it comes to my wife
okay and a lot more feelings are involved for both of them but if I have to squish everything down into one word things…
Hey guys, heard about an up coming show at the Poly Potluck yesterday that’s going to premiere on July 12th on Showtime.
It’s a reality TV series (I know, I know - not everyone is ecstatic about reality TV) called Polyamorous: Married and Dating. Thus far we know that Kamala Devi (tantra teacher and poly activist) will be on it.
Don’t quite know what to expect, I’m personally a little iffy about it… but I’m going to give it a shot. See how the poly community is represented on television.
Anonymous asked you:
I’ve seen a lot of people put things on their blogs like: Pan Poly Dom or Bi Pan Switch. Can you explain this to me? I’m really new to Polyamory and I’m really confused. Is this just a poly thing or is it more?
This is actually really very simple - it refers to sexuality and lifestyle (though it also includes gender depending on the person). It’s isn’t just for poly people, it goes all around.