notsimplyagirl asked you:
From what I’ve gathered from the conferences I’ve gone to and the friends I’ve talked to it’s because of fear of being left for another person simply because of gender. While not a great reason to be bi-phobic or denying the existance of bisexuality it’s the one I’ve heard the most and oddly understand the most. I think it’s sucky, and close minded, and even bigoted but we still live in that society. I do my best to accept all my queer friends and straight friends no matter what they ID as.
Also, Ace in a poly relationship makes an enormous amount of sense to me, and your girlfriend is beautiful btw :P lol
Yeah, I’ve heard that at a few of the conferences I’ve gone to as well. I know that was also one of the fears my ex-girlfriend had. She was afraid I’d leave her for a guy. I never really understood the fear but I guess that’s because I didn’t have access to her brainnnnnns and she didn’t want to explain why in detail. I’m itching to go to a conference one of these days and ask why there’s more bi-phobia than pan-phobia. Bi-phobia appears to be more… I don’t know… prominent.
One of the reasons I’m so in love with polyamory is because it takes the weight of of one person’s shoulders. You don’t have to rely on one single person to fulfill your every desire and need. You don’t have to turn to one person when you… ahem… “have an itch to scratch” and you don’t need to. Also… I am totally biased, but I don’t care. My girlfriend is INSANELY beautiful. She’s gorgeous. She and my wife are the cat’s meow, yo. The cat’s meow. Which sounds a little weird now that I think about it since my girlfriend’s name is Cat. BUT HEY!
Anonymous asked:
I don’t get how you can be asexual and in a polyamorous relationship. It just doesn’t seem like it works.
It works because there’s different types and levels of attractions. The attraction I feel for my girlfriend is romantic (and sensual), the attraction I feel towards my wife… well there’s a lot of different types - but I’ll go into that on a different post.
The most common types that I’ve seen people refer to are: aesthetic, romantic, sensual, and sexual. There’s more, of course, but these are the types of attraction that I’m well studied up on and am comfortable discussing. These are also the ones that apply to this post.
Aesthetic attraction is basically when you see someone who’s visually pleasing to you -you don’t have the desire to be romantically or sexually involved with them. You just find them visually pleasing to look at.
Romantic attraction is easier to feel than to explain; you can tell when you want someone to be your friend or you want someone to be your partner. When you want someone to be your partner, when you want to commit yourself to them - that is romantic attraction. It’s usually also accompanied with the thought that this person is just so beautiful… because to you, they are. It’s not an easy attraction to explain.
There’s sensual attraction which pretty much involves touchy-feely feelings. Hand holding… hugging, kissing sometimes (but not always - boundaries people… boundaries).
Sexual attraction is where you have a desire to have sexual intimacy with someone.
I have a romantic and sensual attraction with my girlfriend… it’s actually also aesthetic considering I find her incredibly beautiful. I have a/n aesthetic, romantic, sensual and sexual attraction when it comes to my wife okay and a lot more feelings are involved for both of them but if I have to squish everything down into one word things…
So I just wanted to express a two facts of life since apparently this arguement is still going on and my girlfriend is still getting annoying anons.
- Asexuals != Unicorns
- Sex != Love
Gah, it just irks me the wrong way when somebody tries to tell another person that their sexuality is invalid, or that sex needs to be involved when you’re in a loving relationship with someone.
My girlfriend is a unicorn, but it’s purely because of her ability to radiate rainbows. This is only rivaled by my own ability to do so - seriously… both of the women in my life… like… ooze rainbow awesome…
A helpful resource - AVEN.
I think I may have referenced it a few times on my personal blog and on here as well.
AVEN is the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
It is an incredibly amazing resource for asexuals and self-education in general. We’ve actually used it at my university when running the Safe Space program.
- Also, in case you were wondering what Safe Space is, it is a program that is designed to help educators create a safe space for LGBTQIA+ youth in school. After training is complete educators place the “safe space” sticker on their door or where it is generally visible. It’s PRIDE colors which helps out people who don’t know but need a place to go.
darkhavenslight asked you:
I think I’m poly. The idea of having other partners is appealing even though I’m completely devoted to my current boyfriend. Okay, maybe I just want an open relationship. I’m not sure. I’m feeling very confused right now and a little hurt I guess because my boyfriend is monogamous by nature and because past girlfriends screwed him over in open relationships before. I don’t know how to talk to him about it without making him feel bad because he’s asexual and I have a high libido drive. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know where to start when trying to figure all of this tangled mess inside of me and I’m not sure if I’m just being greedy and horny or what. I don’t really have a friend to talk to about this and found y’all through a poly tag and just kind of hoped y’all would have some thoughts. Thanks…
My wife probably has a lot more insight into this than me since she’s amazing with the written word, but, the only advice I can give is talk to him about it. If he isn’t comfortable with an “open” relationship maybe try discussing polyfidelity or polyexclusivity.
Polyfidelity/polyexclusivity basically means that all partners are considered equal within the relationship and all members agree only to be sexually active with members in the relationship. It’s a closed relationship rather than an open relationship.
This is the type of relationship my wife, girlfriend and I are in; as I stated previously, my wife is pansexual/homoromantic, my girlfriend is asexual/grey-romantic and I am pansexual/panromantic. Granted, our situation is different since my wife and I were together before we were romantically involved with our girlfriend.
Communication, communication, communication; it might hurt him a little bit but you need to talk to him about this.
Why I post about my experiences with asexuality.
So as of now I’ve had two people explain how sex-positivity isn’t ‘about me’ as an asexual. How asexuals don’t actually experience harmful messages about sex. How asking the sex-positive community to include us in their thinking is “selfish.”
So I’m going to go ahead and open up about something I’ve never been open about on here before. I kind of feel like I need to share this story in order for people to understand why I feel the need to post about my experience as an asexual.
This is why I refuse to let people make light of asexuality and rights. Because my girlfriend *points to the above* had to go through this and because so many others go through this.
Idk, but sometimes sex-positive stuff makes me a little uncomfortable, because there seems to be the implication that having/wanting sex is the norm, and that if you don’t, you’re missing out/have been conditioned not to want it/are just doing it wrong/are repressed. Because, sex is universal, doncha know? And strong relationships always have to have strong sexual bonds. And enjoying sex is a sign that you’re mature/mentally healthy/progressive/something else generally seen as positive.
Like, shouldn’t sex-positivity extend to choosing not to have sex too?
why do i find this so hilarious coming from a blog named ‘the good lannister’
asexuals, disregard the thousands of hurtful messages women and men get about sex every day LET’S TALK ABOUT MEEEEEE, for some reason one percent of the population isn’t treated as normal!.
That doesn’t even make sense, just because someone is asexual doesn’t mean that they “disregard the thousands of hurtful messages women and men get about sex every day.” If anything they get just as many hurtful messages because they simply do not want to have sexual intercourse and people don’t understand that fact of life.
Love != Sex
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to / not having the desire to have sexual intimacy.
Who do you think you are that you can just judge somebody because they feel uncomfortable about sexual intimacy? Hell, who do you think you are that you can judge somebody because of who they identify as?
And what does my girlfriend’s blog title have to do with anything? Just because she’s a Tyrion-stan doesn’t mean her posts are any less valid/quality/true/intellectual. If you actually paid attention to her blog you’d see why her blog title is actually pretty damn valid.
Congratulations you’ve opened the topic of this nights discussion.
Idk, but sometimes sex-positive stuff makes me a little uncomfortable, because there seems to be the implication that having/wanting sex is the norm, and that if you don’t, you’re missing out/have been conditioned not to want it/are just doing it wrong/are repressed. Because, sex is universal, doncha know? And strong relationships always have to have strong sexual bonds. And enjoying sex is a sign that you’re mature/mentally healthy/progressive/something else generally seen as positive.
Like, shouldn’t sex-positivity extend to choosing not to have sex too?
I’m addressing two separate posts in one here because they both pertain to each other. One post originated from sourwolfandlittlered which can be found here, the other post originated from thegoodlannister which can be found here.
